The Influence of Parents and Coaches: What We Teach Our Players Really Matters
After spending time at the Kanga Cup recently, I've been doing a lot of thinking about the role of both parents and coaches in shaping our players’ experiences. To give some context, the Kanga Cup is one of the largest junior football tournaments in the region, bringing together teams from across Australia- so this post is not just talking out our Canberra teams! It's always a learning curve for me too, and this time, I couldn’t help but notice a few things that were a bit concerning.
I saw a few coaches whose actions and attitudes were not setting the right example for their players. Some were encouraging bad sportsmanship, making comments to opposing coaches, and even yelling at referees – who, let’s not forget, are often just young people themselves, doing their best! And when I saw this, I couldn’t help but think: What message are we sending to the players?
As coaches, we’re not just teaching players the technical side of the game; we’re teaching them life lessons. At the youth level, it’s crucial we set the right example – not just for our own team, but for everyone involved. We need to be showing our players how to respect the rules, how to be gracious in both victory and defeat, and, most importantly, how to treat others with respect. And that goes for both our team and the opposition.
Take, for example something I saw multiple times this week, age groups where there is no offside rule – why on earth would we encourage our players to take advantage of that, or worse, use it as a loophole to exploit the game? It’s a small but clear example of how fair play should always come first. We’re not just teaching players how to win; we’re teaching them how to win the right way. Not to mention, this kind of behaviour will backfire in the long run when your players don’t know how to play properly in the future!
It’s important to remember that this is a kids' game, not the World Cup. Let’s put aside personal egos and focus on what really matters – supporting and developing our players. Our role as grown ups is to guide them, not to make the game about ourselves. I was genuinely embarrassed watching how some gown adults were conducting themselves on the sideline.
What really hit home for me at the Kanga Cup, though, was the impact on the players. Kids watch and listen to everything – they pick up on every word, every action, every reaction. The coaches and parents are the biggest influences in their lives, and when they see poor sportsmanship or inappropriate behaviour, they internalise that. They think it’s okay to act that way because their role models are doing it.
If we positively influence our players, the game will benefit in the long run. Imagine if, in Canberra, all the next generation of players played in the true spirit of the game – we’d have less politics (don’t even get me started on that – maybe another blog post for another time!), we’d have more players continuing their football journey into senior leagues and age groups, and the game would be more enjoyable to watch and more inviting for others to get involved in.
I believe our role as coaches is not just about getting the technical stuff right; it’s about creating a positive environment. Players should be coming off the field with big smiles, feeling excited about coming back to training next week. I’ve seen too many coaches subbing players off and seeing them leave the field drained, upset, or even in tears. That’s not what it should be about. Football, especially at the youth level, should be fun – it should be a place where kids feel good about their effort, whether they win or lose.
We need to be praising the effort, the growth, the learning, and the teamwork – not just the result. Let’s focus on the things they did well. Did they stay focused? Did they try their best? Did they show good sportsmanship? That’s what we should be applauding.
At the end of the day, it’s about more than football. It’s about developing good people. So, let’s show them how to handle themselves with grace, respect, and honesty, both on and off the field. We can’t just talk about it; we have to model it every single time we’re coaching or watching a game.
That’s how we’ll create an environment where our players can truly thrive – not just as athletes, but as people.
Let’s be the kind of coaches and parents who lead by example. The influence we have goes far beyond what happens on the field, and it shapes the future of our players in ways we might not even realise.
Coach Dan
